Archive for April, 2008

Comic Tales: Fantastic Four

Anyone expecting the serious minded superheroics of X-Men, or the angst-ridden thrills of Spider-Man would perhaps have been a bit disappointed by Fantastic Four, but for me it does a decent job of capturing the fun tone of the original comic. The X-Men are outcasts from humanity, Spider-Man is a masked vigilante who does what he does out of guilt over the death of his Uncle Ben, the FF on the other hand are public figures, they don’t hide their identities behind masks, they’re celebrities and the film portrays them as such, or rather there evolution to celebrity status following the accident that gives them their powers.

The film’s heart may be in the right place, but its casting is a hit and miss affair. First the misses – Ioan Gruffudd as Reed Richards/Mr Fantastic and Jessica Alba as Sue Storm/Invisible Woman. Gruffudd lacks the presence for Reed Richards, the part calls for someone who can command the screen, whereas when Gruffudd’s with the other three he’s the last one you look at.

I like Jessica Alba, she’s undeniably beautiful and a capable enough actress given a part that plays to her strengths, said strengths not including playing a technobabbleing scientist. The film tries to get around this by that old standby when depicting intelligent characters – have her wear specs. Sadly this ruse doesn’t work, and Alba only gets to make an impression in the scene where she suddenly becomes visible in her undies. That she and Gruffudd have little onscreen chemistry doesn’t help matters.

Watching the Detectives: John Wayne is McQ

Stan Boyle, a friend of Lon McQ’s, is found badly wounded and the veteran cop is convinced local villain Manny Santiago is behind it, so he goes looking for a little payback. When he’s chastised by his superior, Ed Kosterman (Eddie Albert), for assaulting Santiago, McQ quits the force and searches for evidence that will prove Santiago was behind the murder (Boyle dies in hospital), but he discovers far more than he bargained for.

A John Wayne film directed by John Sturges is an exciting prospect but sadly the finished article failed to live up to its potential. Had they made a western together instead of a modern-day thriller things might have been different but Wayne is too old, too fat, and too out of his element in McQ for it to really work. Wayne’s westerns of the ‘70s had him, for the most part at least, aging gracefully, with his roles in Big Jake, The Cowboys, and The Shootist fitting the actor perfectly. Yet both the contemporary films he made that decade, this and Brannigan, have him playing a cop, when a man his age would have been pensioned off. Brannigan is the more fun of the two, it at least knows it’s silly and plays on that, but McQ plays it straight and is much the worse for it.

Literally Speaking: No Way Out

No Way Out starts with Lieutenant Commander Tom Farrell (Kevin Costner) being questioned, by whom and about what isn’t really clear. The film then jumps back three months and starts to fill in the details. We see Farrell fall for Susan Atwell (Sean Young) with Atwell equally besotted with him, problem is she also happens to be the mistress of Defense Secretary David Brice (Gene Hackman). This isn’t too big a problem initially, as Farrell is posted overseas, but when he’s called back to Washington by old friend Scott Pritchard (Will Patton) to work for Brice, a love triangle develops. Farrell isn’t too happy when he learns Brice is his competition, while Brice is not pleased when he discovers that all his generosity hasn’t bought Atwell’s fidelity. He’s so unhappy in fact that he gets a bit rough and accidently kills the girl. Cue Brice’s Mr Fix-it, Pritchard, who comes up with a clever plan to blame the murder on her lover (who they don’t know the identity of), frame him as a Russian spy and send…can you guess? Yep Farrell is assigned the job of hunting himself.

For the first forty minutes No Way Out is a love story, and a typically ‘80s one, with syrupy pop songs accompanying the sex/love scenes while a synthesiser score, by Maurice Jarre trying to sound like son Jean-Michel, fills in the gaps. With the death of Atwell though it becomes a Hitchcockian wrong-man style thriller, albeit one that really wishes it was a serous political thriller instead. Director Roger Donaldson keeps things moving along, sticking in a couple of chase sequences when the story starts to get bogged down, but he’s hampered early on by his actors.

I Spy: The Spy with My Face

Evil organisation THRUSH (the series never explained what the acronym stands for) attempts to infiltrate UNCLE (that one stands for “United Network Command for Law and Enforcement”) by replacing their top agent, Napoleon Solo, with a doppelganger. There aim is to crack an operation codenamed “The August Affair”, and get their hands on Project Earthsave, a top secret energy source.

Unlike Flint and Helm, The Man from UNCLE series played it (relatively) straight, at least it did until its third season. This “movie” is really a couple of first season episodes cobbled together, along with some extra footage that was a bit too risqué for television at the time. The film holds together relatively well considering, although it does plod a little in the middle. The series and these spin-off films would get better as the series found its feet. The villains improved as well, with some big name guest stars making an appearance. Here all we get is Senta Berger, who, while certainly not unpleasant to look at, isn’t particularly threatening.

Still at least Mr Smooth, Robert Vaughn, is on hand. Snappy dresser, seducer of beautiful women and no slouch when it comes to mixing it up with the bad guys, Napoleon Solo is America’s answer to James Bond and Vaughn is the perfect choice to play him. Here he also gets to play his double but doesn’t really get to have much fun being evil as he’s just pretending to be the real Solo.

Next Week on Mine Was Taller

I’ve decided to start posting a list of what’s in store for readers in the coming week, so without further ado here’s what you should be seeing in the next seven days:

I Spy: The Spy with My Face – The second of the Man from U.N.C.L.E. films, and the first in the Region 2 box set.

Literally Speaking: No Way Out – The film that, along with The Untouchables, made Kevin Costner a star.

Watching the Detectives: John Wayne is McQ

Comic Tales: Fantastic Four

The Friday Night Fright: The Eye – The Pang brothers original.

The Weekend Western: Yankee – Tito Brass directed spaghetti western.

Saturday’s Alright For Fighting: Zatoichi the Outlaw – Number 16 in the long running series.

SF & Fantasy Sunday: Tokyo the Last Megalopolis – Live action version of a classic anime.

SF & Fantasy Sunday: Battlefield Earth

It’s one thing to read how bad a film is but until you actually experience it first hand it’s hard to appreciate just how truly awful it can be. Case in point Battlefield Earth, a film that scores a measly 2.3 and ranks at number 89 in the IMDb Bottom 100 films and gets just 3% on Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer. Yet those figures don’t prepare you for just how bad this is, it’s a galactic sized turkey, the sort of film even Alan Smithee wouldn’t want his name on.

It starts out innocently enough; humanity’s last few survivors have reverted to little more than barbarism, a bit like one of those cheap ‘80s Italian Mad Max knockoffs. Everyone has scruffy clothes, dreadlocked hair and perfectly made-up faces (particularly Sabine Karsenti). It’s all a bit silly but no worse than many other films I’ve seen. Thinks reach a whole other level of crap though with the arrival of John Travolta and the other eight feet tall Psychloians, an alien race that has taken over the earth in order to steal its natural resources, primarily gold. Quite why these intergalactic thieves have such a need for gold is never really explained, but that’s just one of the many holes in the story and doesn’t come close to our intrepid survivors being able to learn how to fly jets after a go in a flight simulator.

Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting: Return of the Street Fighter

Sonny Chiba returns as Takuma Tsurugi for the orgy of violence that is Return of the Street Fighter. Chiba’s character may not be quite as cold and merciless as he was in the first film but he’s still one mean badass.

The movie ties in directly to its predecessor, with a couple of characters making return appearances, one of which is decidedly unexpected. The frequency of the fights has been upped from the first film, to such an extent that there’s barely enough space between to tell a coherent story. Basically Tsurugi finds himself on the wrong side of the Mafia when he turns down an assassination job and the Mafia don’t take his refusal lightly. Early in the film we see several martial arts masters displaying their mastery of various weapons, from nunchucks to a samurai sword, and you know it’s a safe bet that Tsurugi is going to be facing off against them at some point. Sure enough it’s these men that the Mafia send against him.

Tsurugi takes on many of these weapons masters in a fight in the snow, in which he wears not only his trademark black outfit but also, amusingly, a white woolly hat. The film is packed with memorable confrontations, including one in a massage parlour that allows Chiba to show off his impressive physique while taking on multiple opponents. And, just in case you thought he was going soft, he eliminates a beautiful assassin with cold efficiency…but only after, James Bond style, he samples her ample charms.

The Weekend Western: Ulzana’s Raid

When Ulzana leads a band of renegade Apaches off the reservation, Lieutenant DeBuin is assigned to capture or kill him. Along with his cavalry detachment DeBuin is assigned two scouts, McIntosh and Ke-Ni-Tay. McIntosh is a veteran who respects the Apache while Ke-Ni-Tay is an Apache who is bound by his word to serve or as he puts it “Ke-Ni-Tay sign paper. Ke-Ni-Tay soldier.” The film deals with DeBuin’s hunt for Ulzana and the atrocities they find in the Apache’s wake.

Robert Aldrich’s film doesn’t go in for the panoramic vistas of John Ford, he’s not interested in showing us the beauty of the west, focusing instead on the brutality of the people who inhabit it. Made at a time when the trend was to show Native Americans in a sympathetic light, with films like Little Big Man and Soldier Blue, Ulzana’s Raid instead shows them as savage killers. It’s not that Aldrich paints them as the villain, more that their idea of morality is so alien to men like DeBuin that they may as well be form another planet. Even McIntosh, who appreciates their single-minded simplicity doesn’t understand them, seeing them as almost a force of nature – a hard people for a hard land.

The Friday Night Fright: Die Screaming, Marianne

Die screaming? Die of boredom more like. Pete Walker’s first venture into the horror genre after producing cheap sexploitation flicks is a pretty dull affair. More thriller than horror, its plot doesn’t bear too much examination but deals with a wandering go-go dancer, Marianne (played by Susan George), who holds the key (by way of the number of a Swiss bank account) to the family fortune. As well as money there are also incriminating documents that could convict her father, an ex-judge, of illegal activities, so he, and her half sister Hildegarde, want Marianne found. When Sebastian, a past acquaintance of Hildegarde, finds Marianne he attempts to marry her in hopes of getting his hands on the money. When that plan backfires he persuades her, and her new lover Eli, to return to her family home in Portugal.

This is a convoluted mess, there’s little logic behind much of what happens – why does Marianne suddenly decide to return home when she’s only days away from being able to access the account (she must turn 21 before she can get her hands on the money)? There’s no suspense, with Marianne never seeming to be in much danger, her most life threatening moment comes when she’s trapped in the sauna, a trap she easily escapes from.

Comic Tales: Superman III

With Superman II we got a blend of two visions – Richards Donner and Lester – and while the finished article wasn’t perfect it was certainly an entertaining ride. With Superman III we got the full undiluted Richard Lester and oh boy, was it bad.

Lester must have misunderstood when Ilya Salkind asked him to make a comic movie and made a comedy movie instead. How else do you explain Richard Pryor as one of the films villains? Or a credit sequence that’s akin to Benny Hill (and even features Bob Todd!)? The juvenile comedy runs throughout the film but the laughs are few and far between.

Of course Lester isn’t completely to blame, he was after all hired by Ilya Salkind, and it’s Salkind who’s responsible for the lower budget which doesn’t just mean special effects that are a lot less special, but a cut price cast as well. Why pay Gene Hackman a small fortune when you can get Robert Vaughn to play virtually the same part for a fraction of the cost? And while you’re at it why not do away with Valerie Perrine in favour of Pamela Stephenson? Margot Kidder not happy as Lois? Cut her part down to a cameo and introduce Annette O’Toole as Lana Lang to provide another love interest for Clark Kent, that’ll show Kidder she’s not indispensible. In every sense this is a budget Superman, an attempt to milk a little more money out of the Superman cash-cow.